Tag Archives: inspiration

One Fine Day

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ChampagnePicture it: Hollywood, California, December 31st, 2019. I, along with every patron at the Scum and Villainy Cantina, were singing “Bohemian Rhapsody” at the top of our lungs as we waited to ring in the new year with champagne in our hands and hope in our hearts. When the clock struck midnight, the theme from Star Wars blared loudly in the bar and the nerds shouted for joy as we all anticipated not just a glorious new year, but a bright, sparkly, new decade. Ah… we were all so young and so naive.

Since you, like everyone else in this world, have a front row seat to the madness that is the pandemic we’re living in, I don’t need to go into detail about what happened next in the lives of the joyful nerds. And I’m sure that you, very much like me, are exhausted from hearing anything related to this topic. But since we’re here, let’s get real about one unexpected side effect of this virus that has hit most, if not all of us: a loss of hope for the future.

When I was chilling in the cantina that night, I spent part of the time daydreaming about what the year might hold. I thought positively about possible career changes, relationships, moving to a new city, and felt a burst of excitement just dreaming about the possibilities. I was 110% confident that 2020 would just be different. Well, I guess I was partially right.

As news of the virus and city closures began to spread, I realized more and more how much life and everyday human experiences were being robbed from us all. People postponed, canceled, or severely scaled down weddings, proms, and graduation ceremonies, birthdays were left uncelebrated, celebrated virtually, or never lived to see, people lost jobs, closed businesses, and the tight spot some were already in – financially, relationally, and emotionally – before this all began got even tighter. As you know, that’s just a small sample of what’s been lost.

I fall somewhere in that last category: the people who were already in a tight spot and life just got tighter. My hopes for career and relationship changes came to a screeching halt (hard to get a job when no one’s hiring and not easy to date or meet people when you’re under stay-at-home orders), plans to move were put even further out of reach, and the new social circles and projects I started to engage in were all put on pause until we could figure out how to adjust to this new normal. I was already living on low supply of hope for my future and now, with all this pandemic business, I was running on fumes.

I know that this loss of hope and how we’re living through this time in history looks different for all of us. My losses and disappointments aren’t as severe as what others are dealing with, and yet, are also greater than others. But the common thread is that we’re all, in one way or another, dealing with some form of grief: the grief of what is, what was, and what could have been. This type of grief hit many of us in our lives long before covid even came to be – so the fortunate thing about that is because we’ve already been infected, there are tools to help us combat the infection.

First step, limit your intake of the news or conversation about what’s happening in your internal and external worlds. I’m not telling you to stop communicating about what’s going on in your life or the world or large, I’m just saying to slow your roll a bit. Think of it this way: even your favorite snack becomes too much when it’s served in large quantities at every meal and you’re forced to eat every bite. I mean, even taco Tuesday could lose its glory if every day is taco day and you can’t even pair it with chips and salsa – it gets to be too much. The point is that it’s good to be informed and have conversation about real-life topics, but there is such a thing as oversaturation and it will tear away at your mental health and capacity for hope.

Second step, focus on the present moment. That can range anywhere from stopping to remind yourself to breathe to focusing on not burning the 150th loaf of bread you’re baking to hard core jamming out to a favorite song. Basically, just do your best to focus on any shred of normalcy in your day that you possibly can. As difficult as it may be (speaking from experience here), if you focus too much on the past or look too far ahead into the future, you will (not might, will) lose your mind. Stay present.

Lastly, the third and equally important step is to find the good in your world (it’s out there). Not gonna lie, some of my joys that have resulted from this weird time in history have been my mostly clear social calendar and not having to drive all over God’s green earth to get from point A to point B most days of the week. And I know this is a controversial opinion, but I LOVE the marked out spaces in the store aisles because now people aren’t getting all up in my business when I’m just trying to buy some essential items – I really don’t want this to go away and I’ll miss it when it inevitably will.

This is not the end of the story – this is just a super horrible, dramatic, nauseating plot twist in an adventurous tale where you, the conquering hero, will win. So do everything you can to push through and maintain hope because the days of champagne, sing-a-longs, and abundant toilet paper for all will return and you’ll come out of this better and stronger than before. Hang in there, buttercup. You got this!

Zombie

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SOTDIf you haven’t spent at least one precious hour and a half of your life watching the great cinematic masterpiece that is Shaun of the Dead, please, at some point during your lifetime, watch this movie. To give you a recap (this does matter to the rest of this post, I promise), our hero, Shaun, is just trudging through his monotonous life when a virus takes over the world and starts turning people into zombies. One day he’s just going about his business and the next he finds himself in the middle of global chaos just trying to make sense of it all.

Sound familiar? I bet it does.

Well, friends, here we are living in the middle of the pages of a future history book. Our world came to a screeching halt – and, much like Shaun, we’re trying to wrap our minds around what’s happening and cling to any bit of normalcy and human connection we can (from a safe, six-foot distance, of course).

At least, unlike Shaun, we don’t have to worry about zombies, right? Uh… right? Well, actually, we do. Due to the horrific nature of this widespread virus, there are other side effects that are spreading globally that can be caught by those who may never contract the actual disease. Side effects include but are not limited to: fear, anxiety, stress, hopelessness, depression, etc. In essence, the very things that may cause one to just shut down and go into full zombie mode… without all the biting… hopefully.

Fortunately, since I am a consumer of zombie films and television and have watched Shaun of the Dead a hundred times over, I can make a few expert recommendations on how to navigate through this zombie land and flatten the curve of these side effects. Here we go…

Stay On Guard

Your first line of defense is to just be aware that the zombies are real and can appear out of nowhere. For example, one minute you’re sitting there enjoying a quarantine perk (i.e., finally watching everything that’s been saved on your dvr for the past two years, etc.) and all of a sudden, for whatever reason, you’re hit with a tidal wave of anxiety and you’ve lost the ability to relax and breathe (it happens, I’ve been there).

So the best way to stay on guard is to: 1.) Acknowledge that you’re not immune to the zombies, 2.) Be aware of your emotions and how you’re processing through them and, 3.) Be mindful that even though you may not be “bitten” or scared of the predators doesn’t mean that those around you haven’t been affected and may need some backup. It all starts with awareness of yourself and others.

Prep Your Arsenal

Now that you’re aware that the threat is real, you need to choose your weapons. Even though some attacks are unexpected and you have to grab whatever’s available to you at the time, you’re much better off if you’re already packing.

I think everyone’s weapons will look a bit different, but it comes down to choosing the (healthy) things that will help you combat the zombies. Weapons can look like: having a trusted, fantastic human being you can connect with daily, stepping outside for fresh air, drinking some tea or hot cocoa at the end of your day, chilling out and playing a video game, or just pretty much anything that can be associated with happiness, rest, and playtime.

Like I said, our weapons will look different and will need to be changed up depending on the size and amount of zombies – some days tacos are enough for me while other days require tacos, tears, tequila, and tissues – but so long as you have your weapons of choice at the ready, you’ll be prepared to fend off whatever comes your way.

Build Your Army

You can’t survive zombie land on your own – you need your homies. Yep. It’s as simple as that. You need people and people need you. We’re all trying to figure out how to make it through all of this and a great way for us all to fend off the zombies is to stay connected, be kind, offer support, and also be brave enough to ask for help and connection as needed. Speak up. You’re not alone.

Remind Them (And Yourself) Who’s Boss

One thing remains true in every zombie story: the people who usually get eaten first are the ones who convince themselves they can’t win – they give up before the fight even starts. Next thing you know, they’re zombie food. However, renowned heroes of the zombie worlds (i.e., Shaun, Michonne, Tallahassee, etc.) go into the fight with a healthy dose of confidence that they’re going to win. So it comes down to choice: you’re either going to let the zombies consume you without even trying to fight or you’re going to go in, guns blazing, and remind them who’s boss.

Rise And Shine

This is your moment to decide if you’re going to rise or if you’re going to crumble. At the beginning of the movie, Shaun was barely motivated to go to the convenience store much less fight off a zombie. But as the pressure increased and the fight got harder, Shaun kicked into gear, led an army of warriors, and didn’t let the zombies overtake him. It’s not to say he was never overwhelmed or scared – he was – but he made a choice to fight and rise to the occasion regardless of how his odds for survival may have appeared.

This is a scary, stressful, uncertain time we’re all living in and it’s difficult to push through. I get it – the zombies are everywhere. However, you can and you will defeat the zombies. And when it’s all over, we’ll meet up at the Winchester for a nice, cold pint.

(NOTE: Seriously, you gotta watch that movie because it makes my closing line that much more spectacular.)

If I Could Turn Back Time

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The-Prince-of-Egypt-1998Full disclosure, this post is not about Cher nor is it an exegesis of the timeless classic that inspired the name of this post. Just wanted to disappoint you now before you continued to travel along with me on this Cher-less journey.

Speaking of disappointment, let’s get down to it and talk about the past…

February is a tough month for me. Actually, February is tough for a lot of people mostly because of the poop parade that is Valentine’s Day (I’m clearly not a fan of that fabricated holiday), but that’s just more fuel on my wildfire. The reason this month is tough is because it reminds me of some especially good moments in my life, the brief window where everything felt right and my heart and mind was still firmly intact. For me, processing through painful moments is much easier than reflecting on the good stuff because the good stuff was pretty good… or at least I thought it was.

As it turns out, the good times I’m alluding to and don’t feel much like going into detail about weren’t all that great. Retrospect and gaining information that was not afforded to me at the time, showed me that I was living in the matrix and what I thought was good and real and true was all a facade. Still, despite the knowledge I now possess and the amount of time that has passed, when this time of year rolls around (and, let’s be honest, many times before and after), I still think about and long to be back in that time and space, safely tucked inside my happy ball of disillusionment.

But here’s the thing: I am not the first nor will I be the last to struggle with longing for what’s behind me even if what is gone was not actually good. If you’ve ever watched or heard of the AMAZING animated feature The Prince of Egypt (the book is better), it’s the true story (with some artistic license) about Moses leading the Israelites out of slavery in Egypt and toward the promised land – it’s pretty epic.

Anyway, if the movie had a sequel, it would most likely be about their excruciatingly long journey to the promised land. Even though the best was ahead of them, the people struggled to keep their focus forward and often voiced their longing to go back to Egypt where things like food and water were in guaranteed supply. Although free from a life of slavery, the uncertainties and hardships of the desert journey skewed their retrospect and made them long for a more painful and oppressive life that was, to them, more comfortable and secure.

I used to scoff at the dumbness of the Israelites who longed for slavery over freedom until I found myself in a similar situation. I’ve spent far too many days longing for the (false) good times and wishing I were given the opportunity to relive and rewrite history. I’ve found myself thinking, “Well, maybe it wasn’t so bad after all” or “I really miss this person” or worse, “I messed everything up. It was my fault that things turned out the way they did.” I was so broken, tired, and insecure about the future that I lost sight of the muck I was really freed from and how so much greater is ahead of me.

I’m not saying good memories are actually bad or that you can’t look back on your past with fondness – Lord knows how many truly good times and people I miss that I wish I could go back to. But when whatever desert you’re roaming through becomes especially treacherous and difficult to navigate, it’s tempting to rewrite or romanticize the things that were, in all reality, a source of oppression rather than freedom.

So what do we do? How do we leave Egypt in Egypt and press on to a life of freedom, hope, and healing even though the path to our promised lands is filled with uncertainty? To be perfectly honest, I don’t fully know the answer to those questions. We’re all on different journeys and require different methods. What’s worked for me, however, is time, community, forward focus, and gratitude.

First, time. The further you get away from Egypt, the better you can see your promised land and gain true perspective on the oppression you were living in. It doesn’t always make the journey through the desert any easier, but it helps. Second, community. You’re not in this alone. I’ll write more about this later, but I can’t stress enough how valuable my community has been in my healing process over the past few years. Whether your community comes in the form of friends, family, pastors, or counselors, just know that the best way to stay out of Egypt is to surround yourself with those who cheer you on to keep moving ahead and remind you of the truth of your past and your future. Third, forward focus. You can’t successfully move forward if you’re always looking behind you. Find ways to keep you focused on your promised land. Whether that’s creating vision boards, starting projects that will help you make progress toward your goals and/or new self, or whatever that looks like for you, just take action to keep your eyes focused ahead on the life of freedom, healing, and wholeness that you deserve. Lastly, practice gratitude. Thank God for what you were freed from, thank Him for what lies ahead, thank Him for the struggles (past and present) that have shaped who you are and who you will become, and thank Him for the “what could have beens” that He no doubtedly saved you from. It really makes a difference to be intentionally thankful and speak out your gratitude that Egypt is behind you and the promised land is yet to come (or has arrived!).

And while I’m not leaving this month without having acquired a few bumps and bruises along the way, I am closing it out feeling even more freer from my Egypt than I’ve ever been before and with a deep confidence that a redemption greater than I can hope for or imagine is on its way. And the same is possible for you. Keep on keeping on, weary travelers. Egypt’s got nothing on your promised land.

Slip Slidin’ Away

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WalkenHi. It’s me again. It’s been a long while since I was last on here blogging my thoughts and feelings about the world. Truth is, the reason for my absence is that I’ve been too busy spinning my wheels and letting life get the best of me. It’s been a rough few weeks… months… years. But alas, it’s a new day… nay, a new decade, which means it’s time to get back on this horse and gallop off into the great unknown. So here we go.

As I was alluding to in the previous paragraph, life has been kicking my butt. For the past few years, I’ve been in this weird cycle of life just knocking the tar out of me, I bleed out for a minute (or ten), I wipe off the blood and sweat, and then I come back swinging – it’s exhausting.

While drudging through the muck of this harrowing saga, I often think about random moments in pop culture to help me cope. In this instance, my mind looked toward Christopher Walken for inspiration. Yes, THAT Christopher Walken.

In Steven Spielberg’s 2002 film Catch Me If You Can, Mr. Walken plays Frank Abagnale, Sr. (a.k.a., Leonardo DiCaprio’s dad). There’s this scene where he and Leo are out at a fancy dinner where he’s about to hand Leo some solid life advice by way of a parable. Now get ready and mentally tap into Christopher Walken’s voice as I regale you with this same tale.

The story goes that two mice are trapped at the bottom of a bucket of cream. One mouse starts kicking up the cream and fights to get out of the bucket while the other one doesn’t even attempt to move. Mouse #1 fights so hard that eventually all of his kicking leads to a solid butter staircase and he survives. Meanwhile, mouse #2, because he didn’t even try to move, just drowned in the cream and met a sad, milky fate. After telling this story, Frank Sr. looks Frank Jr. square in the eye and says, “So which mouse do you want to be?”

Frank Jr., just as any of us sitting on the listening end of that story might’ve answered, chose the first mouse. You kick and you fight to survive until you eventually get out of that bucket. But let’s get real here for a second: sometimes the butter churns too slowly or we take five steps up that slippery buttery slope only to end up sliding back at least ten. It’s exhausting! (Yes, I did say that just a few paragraphs ago).

So what do we do? How do we cope when it feels like an ocean of cream is consuming us and the easier option is just to drown in it? (I know that kind of sounds delicious, but hang with me here).

Well, here’s what we can do: we slide, float on our backs for a little while, get up, and start kicking again. As I’ve endured this over-extensive series of unfortunate events over the past few years, I’ve learned that the best way to survive until you break through to the top of the bucket is to: 1.) Acknowledge the hardship, pain, and/or disappointment of your situation (a.k.a., sliding), 2.) Give yourself a break. It’s necessary to put yourself in time out and do some self-care in the middle of your battle (a.k.a., floating), and 3.) Get up and start kicking butt-er.

All three are necessary components of making it out of the bucket. First off, it’s absolutely vital to acknowledge whatever you’re dealing with – life just really sucks sometimes and can truly take the wind out of our sails. Next, you HAVE to give yourself time to breathe. I’m not talking about self-medicating through destructive behaviors; what I am talking about is doing some proper self-care and TREATING YO’ SELF. Be kind to yourself and do what you need to do to find comfort and process through it all. Lastly, you HAVE to get up and fight again. Steps one and two without step three will just lead you to being the second mouse who doesn’t make it out alive, as will attempting step three without doing the first two steps. The fight is exhausting (there’s my favorite “e” word again!) and you’ll burn out faster if you bypass steps one and two. So keep kicking and get out of that bucket!

I’m honestly not sure how much longer I need to kick to get out of this particular bucket – it’s a pretty big one – and I think that moving through life requires us to paddle through buckets of varying sizes. However, as deep and harrowing as this bucket has been, I’m truly grateful for the lessons learned through the churning and I’m hoping my next inevitable bucket will only be the size of a cowbell (*wink wink* – points to anyone who gets that reference). So keep sliding, floating, and kicking. The bucket may be overwhelming, but you, my friend, are an overcomer. You got this, you sweet butter churner.