Over the past few days I’ve spent some time catching up with old friends from high school.  It’s amazing to see how far we’ve all come since the days of commiserating through adolescence. 

Just yesterday, I got back in touch with my friend Jesse.  He and I were two of four Latinos in our class – and part of an exclusive club we called “Beaner Cholo High.”  Um… that isn’t what it sounds like.  Looks a lot different when it’s written out.

Anyway, the first thing he said to me was that he almost didn’t recognize me by my profile picture (thank you, Facebook).  I told him, “Thank God.”  He knew what I looked like back then, so it’s no wonder my new look kind of shocked him a little.  I didn’t undergo a transgender operation or anything – I just had a serious makeover since high school.  Look at pictures of Ugly Betty if you need a point of reference.  I’m not kidding.

As I laughed at his reaction I also flashed back to a conversation (well, more of a reprimand actually) that he and I had back in the day.  I was making some sort of humorous, self-deprecating comment and when I looked at him, he was shooting me an angry look.  Usually he’s the one laughing at my jokes, but this time my joking was met with disapproval.

I asked him what was wrong and he said, “I don’t like it when people make fun of my friends.  You’re my friend and I don’t like that you’re making fun of yourself.”  Wow – talk about an insightful kid.  Even though I was making light of my awkwardness, he understood the weight of words and their power to build up and tear down – regardless of where those words are coming from.

I’d like to say that from that point on I stopped tearing myself down.  I didn’t.  To be perfectly honest and horribly vulnerable, I have to fight every day not to tear myself down.  It’s a struggle not to poke fun at Jesse’s friend – to not heckle at what God has created.

I’ve come to grips with the fact that I’m not going to be some cover girl; I’m okay with that.  Besides, I take comfort in the fact that most of those girls are airbrushed and what not.  I’ve stood feet away from Angelina Jolie and all I could think was, “That’s money walking towards me.  Nobody looks THAT good without a little help from her friends.”  Okay, maybe she does, but still… she had some help.

I know that if I really wanted to I could completely alter my appearance.  The technology that’s out there can distort my entire body to make it wholly unrecognizable.  Although there are a couple of things I wouldn’t mind taking care of, no amount of operating could fix a warped self-image.

Don’t believe me?  Look at Heidi Montag-Pratt.  She underwent ten plastic surgeries in TEN hours! You don’t have to search very far in the headlines to see that her surgeries brought her more trouble than triumph.  Unfortunately for Heidi, she can’t ever go back to the original manufacturer’s settings on her physique.  She can, however, take steps to regain a healthy self-image.  It doesn’t matter what she looks like on the outside – her true beauty is within.  I hope she figures that out soon.  I hope I can understand that about myself as well.

While it’s okay to not take myself so seriously and to poke fun at my frequent moments of dorkiness, it’s never okay to mock what God has called ‘good.’  The bible says that God formed us in the womb (Psalm 139) – and since God is a perfect God, he doesn’t make anything imperfect.

I’m not sure why some of us were created with things such as down syndrome, missing limbs, food allergies, or hormonal imbalances; I’m not God.  I don’t know why some of us look like Halle Berry meanwhile the rest of us are… not Halle Berry.  None of it makes sense, but I guess it is what it is and God has a purpose for why he created us the way he did inside and out.

I know I won’t wake up tomorrow looking like Eva Longoria.  I’m sure she doesn’t even wake up looking like Eva Longoria.  I have to accept that the changes I’d like to make in my appearance just aren’t going to happen overnight.  It’s going to take hard work and discipline to reach my goals… eck.

But no matter what I do – change my hairstyle, waistline, wardrobe – none of it will make me happy unless I’m functioning correctly on the inside first.  I have to truly learn to love, not insult, Jesse’s friend.

So thank you, Jesse.  I may have helped you with homework on occasion, but you taught me how to fight (and conquer) my inner bully.  I’ll always remember that no one, especially me, gets away with picking on Jesse’s girl.

I only have one regret in life – which really isn’t too bad considering how long I’ve been on this earth.

When I was 5-years-old (see picture), I was enrolled in dance class.  I remember the excitement of squeezing my chunky legs into tight leotards – as well as the feeling of determination that this time my leg would make it over the bar.

However, the best part of dance class was my tap shoes.  I loved them so much I wore them at home and clicked around the linoleum floor in the kitchen.  I doubt my parents loved the sound as much as I did.  As far as I was concerned, every tap brought me one step closer to Juliard… or Sesame Street on Broadway.

I don’t know how long I stayed in dance class and I don’t ever remember not enjoying myself.  All I do know is that one trip to or from class changed the course of my life forever.

One day, riding to or from class with my mom, I was posed with the biggest decision of my little life.  Mom’s simple, life-changing question was, “Do you want to play t-ball with your cousins?”  At age five, I decided hanging up my dance shoes was a small price to pay for having scheduled playtime with my family.  My cousins were (and still are) some of my best friends and it was lonely at the tap dancing top.  But so long as I could keep my tap shoes, I didn’t really care what activity I was involved in.

Many years down the line I found that trading my dance shoes for cleats was the moment that changed it all.

As I watched the Tony Awards on tv last weekend, I wondered where my life would’ve been had I stuck with dancing.  I would definitely be more coordinated (I think) and I’d also look fantastic in leotards.  And those tap shoes… they definitely would’ve made a comeback!

Aside from coordination and dancewear, I also wondered if I’d be sitting in the audience as a nominee rather than sitting on my couch as a regretful observer.  My love for the arts has never left me, so it’s not such a far-fetched idea that I would’ve pursued a career in this field.  I’m sure I would’ve been the second coming of Judy Garland… or possibly the third, if you take Liza into consideration.  Whatever.

Anyway, after sharing my story of wonder and regret with a friend, she asked me if I’d ever heard of the butterfly effect.  My mind instantly flashed to Ashton Kutcher – yes, of course I’ve heard of the butterfly effect.  In this instance, she wasn’t talking about the movie or Mr. Kutcher so much as she was talking about the actual butterfly effect theory that was the basis for the movie.

I can’t really translate all the geeky terminology to explain the theory, but essentially the butterfly effect is this: something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can have a drastic affect on something great like the weather system.  SO, a butterfly deciding to make a hard right instead of flying left can make all the difference between a light breeze and a hurricane.  It’s a weird theory and I don’t have time to explain it all, but that’s the basic concept.

Ouch.  My brain hurts.

Author Ray Bradbury took this one step further.  He posed the idea that if something as tiny as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can affect the weather, then maybe the tiniest, most insignificant decisions we make every day could drastically affect our futures.  Hmm.  Not a bad theory.  I know what this guy’s talking about.

To put it simply, what I’m talking about is the big “What If?” – a question that’s plagued humans probably since Adam and Eve.  I mean, come on, what if they didn’t eat the fruit?  We’d all be in a better spot, that’s “what if.”  Thanks a lot, guys.

And while it’s likely that I’d probably enjoy being a professional dancer instead of a writer, I’ve also come to grips with the fact that I can’t go back and de-flutter that moment in my life.  All I can do now is go forward and appreciate everything I do have as a result of the choices I’ve made in my life thus far.

For starters, I can appreciate the time I got to spend playing ball with my family and the day my coach (a.k.a., Uncle Mike) had to escort me to right field.  I can also appreciate the awesome memories I have of my grandpa playing catch with me, and later helping me put on my uniform for my first big game.

I can also appreciate that my lack of a dance career caused me to pursue other great dreams.  Although I’m still in the process of reaching some of those dreams, I know the path I’ve chosen has led me to some amazing experiences and great relationships.

Had I not gone to the college I chose or worked the jobs I have, I could very well be missing out on the wonderful friendships I have today.  Great relationships last a whole lot longer than tap shoes… and tap shoes, in my eyes, are still one of God’s best creations.

There’s really no point in asking “what if?”  We’ll never know what our lives would’ve looked like had we turned right instead of left, or whether we would’ve chosen the tutu over the baseball cap.

All we can do is move forward – and the only way to move forward is to not look back.  Have you ever seen a butterfly fly backwards?  Neither have I.

December 1997 was a special time for movie history… or at least a special time for my movie history.  It was then that Titanic debuted on the silver screen and I couldn’t get enough of the “new” hot young actor Leonardo DiCaprio.   Oh the memories… Mmm.  What was I saying?  Oh yeah, the sunken ship movie.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Jack (a.k.a. Leo) is invited to attend a dinner with the upper class passengers.  Looking devastatingly handsome in a tuxedo, Jack practices acting like a gentleman while waiting to escort Rose into the dining area.  When she arrives he is suddenly at ease.

Side note: I wouldn’t be so relaxed if I were Jack.  That chick straight up let him freeze to death.  Almost 13 years later and I’m still angry.  Imbecile.

Anyway, back to the movie.  After enduring a ruthless interrogation from the snobby, anti-Jack, rich folk, Jack excuses himself from the table before returning to mingle with the common folk in steerage.  Before he leaves, he slyly slips Rose a note that reads, “Make it count.”  This note was code for “meet me in the steerage for an Irish rave”; more importantly, it was also code to remind her to take risks and make the most of every moment.

Fast-forward 13 years into the future and here I am: a journalism grad still struggling to find a job (much like many other Americans, unfortunately) and still “in love” with Leo.  The upside of my “extended furlough” (I prefer that over “unemployed”) is when you have other friends on “furlough,” you get to spend more time with them.  Such was the case when I got to have lunch with a dear friend of mine the other day.

She and I spent a good deal of time catching up, discussing the highs and lows of our time off.  One conversation took a slightly disturbing turn when we both confessed feeling like our days are meaningless and passing much too quickly.  It was nice hearing I wasn’t the only one feeling this way; however, it’s awful that someone I care about is going through a similar experience.

After spending the rest of the day thinking about our conversation, I came to the conclusion (with mom’s help, of course) that it takes a little bit of effort to make the days count for something.  While most days may not be filled with adventure (they can be), the point is to push forward every day and work towards reaching life goals both great and small.

For example, if you’ve always wanted to travel to Italy, start planning your trip.  Even if you don’t have the resources to travel there now, the planning process could keep you motivated, give you something to look forward to, and you might even learn a foreign language in the process.

Smaller goals can also help your days count.  Organize your pictures, clean out the garage, knit a sweater, learn to juggle, whatever.  Just doing those things that you just “haven’t gotten around to doing” is sure to give you a sense of accomplishment.

Household chores, running errands, and sweater knitting may not push you any closer to reaching your dreams, but at least those things will be taken care of once you’re ready to jet set to a foreign land… like a state in the Midwest.

So take a tip from Leo and “make it count.”  You never know – an ordinary moment can turn into a great memory.

Oh, and two more things: 1.) If your ship goes down, ALWAYS save the hot boy and share your makeshift raft.  You could be saving me or someone else from a lifetime of bitterness and regret.  2.) When you’re old and go on cruises don’t throw your valuable jewelry overboard.  Give it to me.  I look much better in diamonds than a trout.

Remember, whatever you choose to do with your days always try to “make it count.” Your heart only goes on for so long.

I am not a fan of earthquakes.  Unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil one must occasionally endure if they choose to live in California.  Besides, a little earth shaking every now and then is a small price to pay for year-round sunshine, beaches, and In n’ Out.

For the most part, I’ve gotten used to seismic activity.  Apparently I slept through one at 2am this morning and fell back to sleep fairly quickly after a 4am jolt back in March.  However, this is no indication that I’ve built up immunity to earthquakes.  When the “right” kind of earthquake hits, I’m like a cartoon cat clawing at the ceiling.

One such earthquake was the one that hit this past April on Easter Sunday.  The epicenter was located in Mexico but was felt through most of Southern California.  Although I was a good distance from the epicenter, I could still feel a slight rocking motion that lasted about 30-40 seconds – that’s like a lifetime in earthquake time.

I was thoroughly freaked out even though the rocking wasn’t even strong enough to shift papers on the kitchen table.  What freaked me out was that the shaking just wasn’t stopping.  For a moment I was convinced this was the beginning of the end.  I mean, come on, an earthquake on Easter?  That’s tragedy of biblical proportions in the making.

The thing about earthquakes is that they are completely unpredictable.  You never know when they’re going to hit, you don’t know how long they’ll last, and you certainly don’t know if it’s just a little shaking or disaster in the making.  Literally and figuratively speaking, earthquakes are unsettling.

Life is pretty much the same.  Despite how grounded we may be, inevitably our worlds will be shaken.  We all will endure situations ranging from short jolts to major quakes that completely turn our worlds upside down.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from living in Southern California, it’s earthquake preparedness.  You’re never told how to predict an earthquake; you’re taught basic principles of earthquake survival.  If you’re going to live in California you need to know where to find cover and what to pack in your emergency kit.  It’s just like going to those middle states where tornadoes hit: find shelter on low ground and pack A LOT of hairspray (the hairspray is mostly to prepare you to meet cute EMTs).

When it comes to life quakes, you can’t predict when they’re going to hit – you just need to be prepared.  Here’s a couple of ways to prepare:

1. Expect to feel fear, but don’t let fear overcome you.  Fear causes panic and can lead us to say or do stupid things (like run into the street the second an actual earthquake starts – haven’t done it, but I wanted to).  Stay calm and remember the shaking is only temporary.

2. Set up an emergency response team.  Despite the severity of the situation, it’s always helpful to have reliable people close by who will be there to support you.  Sometimes you just need a hug or someone to gripe to and other times you’ll need someone who will be there to carry you through a dark time.  Regardless of how independent we might think we are, at some point we all need a little assistance.

3. Build your life on a firm foundation.  People will fail you, jobs can be lost, and many things on this earth will eventually fade away.  But if your foundation is in the Lord, you can survive ANY amount of shaking the world throws at you.

Getting shaken up: unavoidable.  Being prepared: doable.  Surviving anything when your life is built on a firm foundation: inevitable.