I only have one regret in life – which really isn’t too bad considering how long I’ve been on this earth.

When I was 5-years-old (see picture), I was enrolled in dance class.  I remember the excitement of squeezing my chunky legs into tight leotards – as well as the feeling of determination that this time my leg would make it over the bar.

However, the best part of dance class was my tap shoes.  I loved them so much I wore them at home and clicked around the linoleum floor in the kitchen.  I doubt my parents loved the sound as much as I did.  As far as I was concerned, every tap brought me one step closer to Juliard… or Sesame Street on Broadway.

I don’t know how long I stayed in dance class and I don’t ever remember not enjoying myself.  All I do know is that one trip to or from class changed the course of my life forever.

One day, riding to or from class with my mom, I was posed with the biggest decision of my little life.  Mom’s simple, life-changing question was, “Do you want to play t-ball with your cousins?”  At age five, I decided hanging up my dance shoes was a small price to pay for having scheduled playtime with my family.  My cousins were (and still are) some of my best friends and it was lonely at the tap dancing top.  But so long as I could keep my tap shoes, I didn’t really care what activity I was involved in.

Many years down the line I found that trading my dance shoes for cleats was the moment that changed it all.

As I watched the Tony Awards on tv last weekend, I wondered where my life would’ve been had I stuck with dancing.  I would definitely be more coordinated (I think) and I’d also look fantastic in leotards.  And those tap shoes… they definitely would’ve made a comeback!

Aside from coordination and dancewear, I also wondered if I’d be sitting in the audience as a nominee rather than sitting on my couch as a regretful observer.  My love for the arts has never left me, so it’s not such a far-fetched idea that I would’ve pursued a career in this field.  I’m sure I would’ve been the second coming of Judy Garland… or possibly the third, if you take Liza into consideration.  Whatever.

Anyway, after sharing my story of wonder and regret with a friend, she asked me if I’d ever heard of the butterfly effect.  My mind instantly flashed to Ashton Kutcher – yes, of course I’ve heard of the butterfly effect.  In this instance, she wasn’t talking about the movie or Mr. Kutcher so much as she was talking about the actual butterfly effect theory that was the basis for the movie.

I can’t really translate all the geeky terminology to explain the theory, but essentially the butterfly effect is this: something as small as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can have a drastic affect on something great like the weather system.  SO, a butterfly deciding to make a hard right instead of flying left can make all the difference between a light breeze and a hurricane.  It’s a weird theory and I don’t have time to explain it all, but that’s the basic concept.

Ouch.  My brain hurts.

Author Ray Bradbury took this one step further.  He posed the idea that if something as tiny as the flutter of a butterfly’s wing can affect the weather, then maybe the tiniest, most insignificant decisions we make every day could drastically affect our futures.  Hmm.  Not a bad theory.  I know what this guy’s talking about.

To put it simply, what I’m talking about is the big “What If?” – a question that’s plagued humans probably since Adam and Eve.  I mean, come on, what if they didn’t eat the fruit?  We’d all be in a better spot, that’s “what if.”  Thanks a lot, guys.

And while it’s likely that I’d probably enjoy being a professional dancer instead of a writer, I’ve also come to grips with the fact that I can’t go back and de-flutter that moment in my life.  All I can do now is go forward and appreciate everything I do have as a result of the choices I’ve made in my life thus far.

For starters, I can appreciate the time I got to spend playing ball with my family and the day my coach (a.k.a., Uncle Mike) had to escort me to right field.  I can also appreciate the awesome memories I have of my grandpa playing catch with me, and later helping me put on my uniform for my first big game.

I can also appreciate that my lack of a dance career caused me to pursue other great dreams.  Although I’m still in the process of reaching some of those dreams, I know the path I’ve chosen has led me to some amazing experiences and great relationships.

Had I not gone to the college I chose or worked the jobs I have, I could very well be missing out on the wonderful friendships I have today.  Great relationships last a whole lot longer than tap shoes… and tap shoes, in my eyes, are still one of God’s best creations.

There’s really no point in asking “what if?”  We’ll never know what our lives would’ve looked like had we turned right instead of left, or whether we would’ve chosen the tutu over the baseball cap.

All we can do is move forward – and the only way to move forward is to not look back.  Have you ever seen a butterfly fly backwards?  Neither have I.

December 1997 was a special time for movie history… or at least a special time for my movie history.  It was then that Titanic debuted on the silver screen and I couldn’t get enough of the “new” hot young actor Leonardo DiCaprio.   Oh the memories… Mmm.  What was I saying?  Oh yeah, the sunken ship movie.

One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when Jack (a.k.a. Leo) is invited to attend a dinner with the upper class passengers.  Looking devastatingly handsome in a tuxedo, Jack practices acting like a gentleman while waiting to escort Rose into the dining area.  When she arrives he is suddenly at ease.

Side note: I wouldn’t be so relaxed if I were Jack.  That chick straight up let him freeze to death.  Almost 13 years later and I’m still angry.  Imbecile.

Anyway, back to the movie.  After enduring a ruthless interrogation from the snobby, anti-Jack, rich folk, Jack excuses himself from the table before returning to mingle with the common folk in steerage.  Before he leaves, he slyly slips Rose a note that reads, “Make it count.”  This note was code for “meet me in the steerage for an Irish rave”; more importantly, it was also code to remind her to take risks and make the most of every moment.

Fast-forward 13 years into the future and here I am: a journalism grad still struggling to find a job (much like many other Americans, unfortunately) and still “in love” with Leo.  The upside of my “extended furlough” (I prefer that over “unemployed”) is when you have other friends on “furlough,” you get to spend more time with them.  Such was the case when I got to have lunch with a dear friend of mine the other day.

She and I spent a good deal of time catching up, discussing the highs and lows of our time off.  One conversation took a slightly disturbing turn when we both confessed feeling like our days are meaningless and passing much too quickly.  It was nice hearing I wasn’t the only one feeling this way; however, it’s awful that someone I care about is going through a similar experience.

After spending the rest of the day thinking about our conversation, I came to the conclusion (with mom’s help, of course) that it takes a little bit of effort to make the days count for something.  While most days may not be filled with adventure (they can be), the point is to push forward every day and work towards reaching life goals both great and small.

For example, if you’ve always wanted to travel to Italy, start planning your trip.  Even if you don’t have the resources to travel there now, the planning process could keep you motivated, give you something to look forward to, and you might even learn a foreign language in the process.

Smaller goals can also help your days count.  Organize your pictures, clean out the garage, knit a sweater, learn to juggle, whatever.  Just doing those things that you just “haven’t gotten around to doing” is sure to give you a sense of accomplishment.

Household chores, running errands, and sweater knitting may not push you any closer to reaching your dreams, but at least those things will be taken care of once you’re ready to jet set to a foreign land… like a state in the Midwest.

So take a tip from Leo and “make it count.”  You never know – an ordinary moment can turn into a great memory.

Oh, and two more things: 1.) If your ship goes down, ALWAYS save the hot boy and share your makeshift raft.  You could be saving me or someone else from a lifetime of bitterness and regret.  2.) When you’re old and go on cruises don’t throw your valuable jewelry overboard.  Give it to me.  I look much better in diamonds than a trout.

Remember, whatever you choose to do with your days always try to “make it count.” Your heart only goes on for so long.

I am not a fan of earthquakes.  Unfortunately, it’s a necessary evil one must occasionally endure if they choose to live in California.  Besides, a little earth shaking every now and then is a small price to pay for year-round sunshine, beaches, and In n’ Out.

For the most part, I’ve gotten used to seismic activity.  Apparently I slept through one at 2am this morning and fell back to sleep fairly quickly after a 4am jolt back in March.  However, this is no indication that I’ve built up immunity to earthquakes.  When the “right” kind of earthquake hits, I’m like a cartoon cat clawing at the ceiling.

One such earthquake was the one that hit this past April on Easter Sunday.  The epicenter was located in Mexico but was felt through most of Southern California.  Although I was a good distance from the epicenter, I could still feel a slight rocking motion that lasted about 30-40 seconds – that’s like a lifetime in earthquake time.

I was thoroughly freaked out even though the rocking wasn’t even strong enough to shift papers on the kitchen table.  What freaked me out was that the shaking just wasn’t stopping.  For a moment I was convinced this was the beginning of the end.  I mean, come on, an earthquake on Easter?  That’s tragedy of biblical proportions in the making.

The thing about earthquakes is that they are completely unpredictable.  You never know when they’re going to hit, you don’t know how long they’ll last, and you certainly don’t know if it’s just a little shaking or disaster in the making.  Literally and figuratively speaking, earthquakes are unsettling.

Life is pretty much the same.  Despite how grounded we may be, inevitably our worlds will be shaken.  We all will endure situations ranging from short jolts to major quakes that completely turn our worlds upside down.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from living in Southern California, it’s earthquake preparedness.  You’re never told how to predict an earthquake; you’re taught basic principles of earthquake survival.  If you’re going to live in California you need to know where to find cover and what to pack in your emergency kit.  It’s just like going to those middle states where tornadoes hit: find shelter on low ground and pack A LOT of hairspray (the hairspray is mostly to prepare you to meet cute EMTs).

When it comes to life quakes, you can’t predict when they’re going to hit – you just need to be prepared.  Here’s a couple of ways to prepare:

1. Expect to feel fear, but don’t let fear overcome you.  Fear causes panic and can lead us to say or do stupid things (like run into the street the second an actual earthquake starts – haven’t done it, but I wanted to).  Stay calm and remember the shaking is only temporary.

2. Set up an emergency response team.  Despite the severity of the situation, it’s always helpful to have reliable people close by who will be there to support you.  Sometimes you just need a hug or someone to gripe to and other times you’ll need someone who will be there to carry you through a dark time.  Regardless of how independent we might think we are, at some point we all need a little assistance.

3. Build your life on a firm foundation.  People will fail you, jobs can be lost, and many things on this earth will eventually fade away.  But if your foundation is in the Lord, you can survive ANY amount of shaking the world throws at you.

Getting shaken up: unavoidable.  Being prepared: doable.  Surviving anything when your life is built on a firm foundation: inevitable.

I spend a lot of time thinking about destiny.  I wonder if there really is a set plan, or if life is like one of those books where you can skip to different pages and create your own story.  After much pondering (mostly out of boredom), I’ve found that life is a mixture of both of those ideas – for better and for worse.

Most of the time, I want to know where I’m going.  I want to know when I’ll get a good job, a husband, kids, and so on and so forth.

I mean, imagine how great it would be if life were like a Google map.  You enter in a destination (i.e., wedding day, first kid, etc.) and then click and drag your desired course.  While it would be nice to know the estimated time of arrival to these events, it might be even nicer knowing if these events will take place at all.

Unfortunately, life has never been nor will it ever be like one of those maps.  While every choice we make serves as a “click and drag” function on our life maps, we won’t ever really know where our choices will take us until we end up in our respective destinations.

As convenient as it would be to set our life courses and have an ETA for certain life events, having that kind of luxury would make life a little boring.

I’m a girl who loves structure, organization, and timelines; however, I also appreciate a good surprise and not having every detail of my life planned out for me.  It’s nice when, as John Mayer puts it, I have “nothing to do, nowhere to be, a simple little kind of free.”

I don’t always like having every minute planned out for me, especially when I’m not the one doing the planning.  Our forefathers fought for freedom, and by golly I’m gonna enjoy the fruits of their labor!  Okay, so my free time may not have been the same kind of freedom that took them to the battlegrounds, but I’ll enjoy my freedom nonetheless.

The point is (if there is a point to be made), in life, you can’t customize every stop on your course or know how long it’ll take to get to your destinations.  What you can do, however, is set yourself on a right path by making good choices that will benefit you as well as your fellow life travelers.

So wherever life leads you, remember to enjoy the journey… and always have snacks.  Snacks always make the journey more enjoyable =).

Sitting at Starbucks (again), I silently asked the Lord to bring me inspiration for today’s blog.  He was quick to answer prayer as I suddenly noticed a man picking through the garbage can on the other side of the window where I sat.

He was an older man wearing a black hooded sweatshirt (in 80 degree weather) with the hood pulled over his head and a cigarette in his left hand.  He dug through without seeming to notice or even care that a small group of people sitting in the patio area where he dug was watching him.  No one offered assistance, spare change, or even pleasant conversation.

Moments later, a manager appeared and escorted him off the premises.  He didn’t put up much of a fight, but he did manage to look in a second trashcan as he was being thrown out.  Talk about tenacity.

When I see people living on the streets digging through trashcans or asking for help next to freeway off ramps, I feel two things: helplessness and wonder.

I feel helpless because I don’t have the resources to feed, clothe, or house them.  I could brush it off by thinking that it’s not my problem to solve, but so long as I’m a fellow human being, it is my problem to solve.  I suppose that in a situation like this it’s better to at least try to help than to not help at all.

And while I’m on the subject, I commend those who offer help on any level.  Your generosity reminds us that whether we’re walking pretty on Wall Street or trying to survive on Skid Row, no one is too great or too small to offer a helping hand.

Which brings me to my second feeling, the feeling of wonder.  I wonder what circumstances led that person to homelessness, I wonder if someone misses them, I wonder how far they’ve traveled, and I wonder if they’ve given up or if they believe their situation can change.

I also can’t help but wonder what if this was someone I knew and loved.  If I couldn’t help them, wouldn’t I want someone who could help them to step in?  Of course I would.

Unfortunately, I know that I (as well as everyone else on this planet) will never have the power to end poverty.  We can start helping, however, by remembering that despite a person’s station in life, we all need love and attention more than we need material things.

Having food, clothing, and shelter is optional.  Treating everyone as human beings, deserving of love and attention, however, is required.

Most, if not all, superheroes and I have many things in common: we’re only children, we fight for justice, and we’re usually the odd man (or woman) out.  There is nothing conventional about our existence and most of the time we like it that way.

Wardrobe is another thing we have in common.  Although I can’t pull off spandex as successfully as they do, all of us own the same accessory: a mask.  Batman prefers a mask with pointy ears, Spiderman prefers a full body mask, and Superman opts for nerdy chic.

Even though our masks look different, we’re all covering the same things.  We mask fear, loneliness, rejection, and sometimes the heartache that comes with unrequited love.  It is by no means an easy path to walk, especially if your true self becomes exposed to the world.

Batman may be a badass but he’s got his hang ups too.  Witnessing the untimely death of his parents sent him on a lifelong path for revenge.  Sure, he may rescue a few people along the way, but seeking revenge for his pain and loss is his true motivation for defeating the bad guys.  His battles have little to do with the common folk of Gotham City.

Spiderman’s motives for battle are a little more pure and much more relatable.  He was the kid who battled rejection and bullies long before he was bitten by a radioactive spider.  The unique thing about Peter Parker is that he can use his superpowers without his suit.  However, the power of confidence is lost on him if he’s not donning his spidey spandex.

And while I admit that I have a particular fondness for Superman, he’s one superhero who seems to have his priorities in order.  The difference between him and everyone else is that his strength is found when he removes his mask.  When Clark Kent throws down his glasses, it’s on!

Superman has weaknesses; he’s experienced loneliness, loss, fear, rejection, and is often judged for his exterior.  He’s dealt with people who only seem to call him when they need something, but he’s also encountered real love with a few close friends and family.

The reason this man of steel has been able to keep it together and focus on the task at hand is because he knows who he is.  Most people see him as the awkward, bumbling, journalist Clark Kent meanwhile he knows his inner superhero is just a phone booth spin away.  Confidence is his strength and the superpowers are just amenities.

I’m sure I will always battle fears and insecurities of the superhero variety – some battles just won’t end.  My best defense, however, will be taking off my mask and walking in the confidence that who I am is stronger and more powerful than anything the world would try to throw at me.

Now if only my confidence could help squeeze me into some super tights…

I’m excited to announce that I’ll be graduating from grad school this weekend.  Although I won’t be going to the ceremony, I still have a great sense of accomplishment… as well as a truckload of student loans.

While thinking about my journey to this place in my life, I also thought about my first college graduation.  Surprisingly, I thought more about the party after the ceremony than I did about the ceremony itself.

I thought about my family, friends, and especially the presents.  My aunt and uncle bought me a camera.  Excited as I was about the camera, the real gift came when my cousins hijacked it before I had a chance to open it and took pictures of themselves – priceless.  Other relatives gave me stuff like cash and jewelry while one cousin gave herself and I a trip to Hawaii (thank you, Lisa).  Pretty good swag for earning an undergrad degree.

But the present that stood out most in my mind was the set of luggage my grandma gave me.  So practical, so floral, and so the greatest present I could have ever received.

As I thought about this three-piece adventure set, I was saddened by how little I’ve used it.  The gift meant to encourage me to live life, travel, and see the world has spent most of its time in my back closet.

My luggage has gone to Hawaii, Oregon, Colorado, and Nevada (to visit grandma, of course), but those mini travels just don’t cut it.  It’s like living in a world where Paula Deen doesn’t cook and Justin Timberlake doesn’t sing.  Such a travesty!

The sad thing is (if I’m not sad enough already) is that I know exactly what has kept me from traveling: a fear of flying and the inability to take the time to schedule a vacation.  These are fixable things and they should be fixed, stat! My luggage wasn’t meant to sit in a closet and I wasn’t meant to stay in one place, paralyzed by fear and apathy for the rest of my life.

So now that I am embarking on a new phase in life, it’s time to add in some serious travel time in my itinerary and put that luggage to good use.  I know my grandma would much rather see me traveling the world than just reading about it…. well, so long as I visit her first =).

I went to Starbucks today hoping to find inspiration for my first blog entry.  I figured going outdoors and spending time among the three-dimensional people could only help in my quest for creativity. Little did I know, but inspiration was waiting for me at a bus stop.

After popping open my laptop and throwing back a couple swigs of caffeine, I looked out the window facing downtown San Dimas.  I was suddenly captivated at the sight of a young man sitting at the bus stop a few yards down from where I sat.  Sporting a black fedora, he sat perfectly content waiting for his ride and strumming a guitar.  This is not something one sees very often in this small western town.

Occasionally he’d pause to write, smoke, and play with his hat.  Occasionally I’d pause to write, drink, and wonder if this was considered stalking.  But I couldn’t take my eyes off this humble musician wondering if (and also hoping) I was looking at the next John Mayer.  All the greats have humble beginnings and God only knows if I just witnessed another great in the making.  I hope so.

Aside from the fact that I’m naturally drawn to good-looking musicians, what captivated me most about this guy was his peaceful demeanor.  He was simply enjoying the opportunity to play and watch the world go by.  Watching him, I was completely envious of and inspired by his ability to just play and enjoy the moment.

I often forget what it’s like to just sit and enjoy the life and talents God has given me.  I’m easily caught up in things that don’t matter and spend too much time thinking about a future that does not yet require my full attention.  I don’t want to waste time worrying about the future or the past – I just want to enjoy the here and now.

And while my talents are limited to writing and stalking musicians (famous or not, apparently), I do have the ability to make opportunities to play.  There’s no point wasting days worrying instead of playing.

So with that, I wish my musician friend well, I thank him for the inspiration, and now I’ll direct my feet to the sunny side of the street.